PROMISES, PROMISES ! ... by The Cosmic Messenger

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed January has annually become the month of equivocation for America's elected leaders ? Whether due to unforeseen circumstances or meticulous planning the first calendar division of each year provides several opportunities for our top elected politicians to make grandiose declarations designed more to impress audiences than actually fulfilling any verbal commitments made. As we begin 2005, Americans can expect passionate statements forthcoming the next several weeks from our Commander in Chief at his Inaugural and during the "State Of The Union" address. In anticipation of this, I've decided to take a satirical look at the contriving involved to develop these messages. We begin with the Tsunami disaster several weeks ago as the President vacations at his ranch in Crawford, Texas.

PRESIDENTIAL GOFER: Mr. President, Mr. President .... sorry to interrupt but we have an urgent "Crisis" developing and one of your Cabinet members requests a discussion with you.

CHIEF EXECUTIVE: How many times have I asked you not to disturb me when watching my favorite football team, the Texas Cowpokes while swigging a preferred beverage and munching pretzels ? Iraqi extremists must be at it again !

PRESIDENTIAL GOFER: It's the Secretary of State calling to say a massive tsunami wave has rocked the Indian Ocean with devastating affects to Sri Lanka, Indonesia, India and Thailand. Early reports put human casualities in excess of 100,000. Can you take the call, Sir ?

CHIEF EXECUTIVE: Oh, alright .... I'll speak to him. After you connect me, contact Karen and tell her to have my PR staff release photos of me clearing brush and riding my bike around the ranch to divert public attention. Make sure the training wheels have been wiped from the pic before the press kits are distributed.

PRESIDENTIAL GOFER: Roger that, Mr. President. The press buzzards will arrive soon seeking your reaction. By the time you and the Secretary of State have conferred, we ought to be able to spin this to our political advantage. Should we release preliminary statements blaming the geological disaster on Bill Clinton or Al Qaeda ?

CHIEF EXECUTIVE: As much as I'd like to avoid scrutiny in the matter, leave Clinton out of this for the moment. We may need him to solicit donations from the public which would be a propoganda coup for us. Our polling shows he still maintains a high approval rating with the electorate. He'll cooperate after we remind him how he escaped impeachment over the Monica indiscretion.

PRESIDENTIAL GOFER: Don't forget the Secretary of State on line one, Sir.

CHIEF EXECUTIVE: Hello ... Mr. Secretary, nice hearing from you. What's your golf handicap theses days ? I was about to head out to the links myself when the call came in. My assistant informs me there's been a little rumbling beneath the Indian Ocean. Hold on, our transmission is apparently breaking up ... can you hear me now ? That's better ... I've moved to the rooftop of the ranch. Damn cell phones !

SECRETARY OF STATE: Hi ... what's happened is a little more serious than chasing a white ball around a few hundred acres of your compound. A lot of human misery and suffering has occured in the past 24 hours but I think we can put a shiny new U.S. face on world perception if we play our cards right. I don't have to remind you what the Muslim world thinks of us after the Iraq invasion. Most of the countries affected by the disaster have huge Islamic populations and this is an opportunity for us to buy their loyalty with relief aid. Besides, you have several upcoming speeches to the American public in which you could underscore U.S. help to reinforce your compassionate image and make our citizens feel good about themselves again. Let me suggest initially offering a $350 million dollar gift. I'll tour the area publicly expressing despair bringing Jeb along to give him some international exposure. It'll be a "win, win" situation for your family.

CHIEF EXECUTIVE: Good Idea, Mr. Secretary. I would've never thought of that plan myself. I'm beginning to understand why Daddy had me put you in my Cabinet originally. I'm only going to allocate $15 million though. Your figure is a bit too generous. Besides, you know how I feel about people getting something for nothing. Social welfare are dirty words in my Administration. If we have to increase our contribution later, we'll just ask the little people in the United States to dig into their savings and send checks overseas. They're getting plenty back from the government due to my tax initiatives and they can write it off on their 2004 tax forms as a charitable gift. By persuading them to donate, it's less money we have to raid the Treasury for to fight the Iraq war with. We may be in the Middle East awhile !

PRESIDENTIAL GOFER: The first reporter has arrived, Mr. President. It's a Mr. Cosmic and he asserts he's a member of the independent press. Should I show him in ? Your Secret Service detail is playing "touchy, feelly" with him at the front entrance as we speak.

CHIEF EXECUTIVE: What kind of name is that ... sounds like a person from one of these New Age cults I had John investigating as terrorist organizations operating in the United States after 911 ? Check to see if he's on our payroll and if my security team approves, lead him to the office. I'm climbing down from the rooftop now. It's so peaceful up there. The view makes me feel closer to the divine creator.

COSMIC: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice, Dubya ... I mean Mr. President. Sorry, the people I hang with usually refer to you by that nickname so it's a conditioned response.

CHIEF EXECUTIVE: It's inconsequential and I have frequent memory lapses as well. My assistant informs me you're one of the few ethical journalists remaining not in our employment. Would you like to come over to our side ? The pay is real good, provided in cash envelopes once a month and untraceable so you don't have to worry about IRS agents asking questions. Your first story would be promoting my plan to provide $15 million dollars of economic assistance to the tsunami victims. Don't worry about photos to go with your account. My staff can do wonders with pictures and has some real nice ones available. The best illustrate a halo reflection above my image. Makes for a nice effigy the constituency can relate to.

COSMIC: No thanks, Mr. President. Actually, I did want to discuss the amount you plan to pledge to help the unfortunate people touched by this disaster. Being as wealthy as the United States is, it sounds a bit miserly.

CHIEF EXECUTIVE: Let me educate you about foreign aid, Cosmic. There's a lot of unethical people in the world ready to exploit this kind of situation and divert the generosity of other nations into their own personal bank accounts. The oil for food program is a good example. To be effective in these situations, you have to recognize you're playing poker and make a low bid so participants in the game will reveal their position of strength. My initial offer was to get other countries to show me their financial hand. Once I'm sure the relief effort is properly run, I'll up the U.S. stake to make it more competitive. The Secretary of State emphasized to me before your arrival we shouldn't be outbid by others on this. The prototype the U.S. projects to the rest of the world needs repairing.

COSMIC: Interesting you should cite the corruption associated with the oil for food program. It's been revealed recently the U.S. government knew about this but looked the other way because a principal party involved in the scam, Jordan is a Middle East ally in our dispute against Iraq. Still want to discuss moral issues ?

CHIEF EXECUTIVE: Those reports are only allegations floated by our enemies to divide world opinion against us.

COSMIC: With respect to verbal commitments, you've made many promises to the American public since first being elected which have been disingenuous. You assured us tax cuts would put more money in our pockets, "No Child Left Behind" would be funded properly, Al Qaeda/Saddam Hussein were to blame for the NYC twin towers collapsing and Iraq must be attacked because it had weapons of mass destruction (WMD's). To date, we've gone from a net surplus to a massive federal deficit, poverty and household debt hover at historical highs, the NCLB initiative is underfunded by at least $10 million and complete, verifiable repudiation of your allegations of who was responsible for attacks on our homeland. More disheartening than any of this is the revelation the U.S. government has disbanded its search for WMD's after American soldiers sacrificed their lives based on the false pretense they existed and were an imminent to danger to our country. These contentions appear to be nothing more than artful rhetoric which end up in your January speeches to be swallowed faithfully by the public. Given your record to this point, shouldn't Americans be skeptical about your proposals concerning Social Security and Tort reform ? Will a military draft be next ?

CHIEF EXECUTIVE: Pessimism must be a natural part of your character, Cosmic. You ought to consider the compassionate good of my actions and proposals. For example, the tsunami relief package we're crafting. It'll save thousands of lives and significantly improve how others perceive the U.S.. The food airlifts orchestrated by our military will demonstrate their merciful nature. It will mean increased economic trade and provide opportunities for American corporations in that part of the world.

COSMIC: The job of a journalist is to be skeptical, Mr. President. My doubt about your sincerity is based on past performance. Your gestures always have strings attached. We rumbled into Iraq offering freedom to their people only to learn later Halliburton, the former company of your Vice President had been awarded millions of dollars in no bid contracts. They're providing the food services to our soldiers. Can we expect the same when supplying relief to devastated areas in the Indian Ocean ? Will Halliburton be given exclusive deals to distribute food packages to the masses and government leaders be forced to hire American consultants along with contractors to obtain the aid ? You cited the benefits to American corporations but The Gap, Nike and Exxon-Mobil are already in the area taking advantage of their cheap labor and natural resources. Many of the mangrove forests along the coastal sections of some of these countries were destroyed by American industry in their pursuit of free market development and would have served as natural barriers against the tsunami waves as they crashed ashore. Do you understand why I question your generosity now, Mr. President ?

CHIEF EXECUTIVE: You're pretty sharp and notice details most people in the general public don't, Cosmic. Sure you wouldn't like to join our team ? I'll put you to work immediately as a speech writer. I've got several upcoming in the next few weeks and you can find a way to gloss over the particulars of the information you just mentioned. Everyone has their price. What's yours ... money, women or drugs ? I have access to all three because I'm the President of the United States.

COSMIC: Obviously, we have different value systems. Life is more than just a series of business transactions for material gain, Mr. President. We have a humanitarian obligation. Fulfilling that responsibility meaningfully makes us complete persons. My price is you step up to achieve this for the citizens of the United States and the needy in the rest of the world. Build a legacy of sheltering the homeless while feeding and clothing the poor. It'll be more rewarding than the one you've established of spreading death and destruction in the pursuit of greedy self interest. I have to go now and know where the exit is. Forgive me if I don't drop down on bended knee before departing. Thanks for agreeing to meet with me. I believe it's been beneficial for both of us.

CHIEF EXECUTIVE: James ... make sure Mr. Cosmic finds his way out. I like his savvy but it needs to be channeled properly. Ask the people in Research to run a background check on him. Look for infidelty, tax fraud or drug usage in his past. I still think he can be bought and manipulated.

PRESIDENTIAL GOFER: Will do ... your wish is my command, Mr. President.


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THE BATTLE LINES HAVE BEEN DRAWN ... by The Cosmic Messenger

The new year is upon us and apparently nothing's changed. As President Bush prepares to be sworn in for a second term, the corporate media behaves as though Bush's inauguration will be the only significant event during the month of January. Just as the news gathering industry's willful shortsightedness has compelled it to casually overlook allegations of voter fraud in the American elections of 2004, assignment editors display little interest informing the public a 64 year old ex - boxer from Nevada is about to step into the legislative ring with Bush prepared to battle as many rounds as necessary to protect American citizens from the catastrophic budget and social agendas that are imminent.

NEWSFLASH

*** Take Note Infotainment Executives ***

While the silk stocking crowd regales the elegant ceremonial reinstatement of their pawn later this month, Harry Reid, the senior Democrat Senator from Nevada will place his hand on the Bible and swear to uphold the Constitution of the United States too. The years of Capitol Hill legislative experience he personifies represents a formidable challenge for Bush and Reid's upcoming public debates with the President over Social Security reform, taxes and the Federal judiciary demands your attention. Once the formal pomp of January accompanied by pretentious Presidential rhetoric about modern visions for American society based on divine inspiration have passed, Reid and Bush will step to center stage to fight one another over the destiny of our country. It will be the most substantial ongoing news event of the past 50 years. The looming battle will potentially provide as many photo ops and soundbites as any violent confrontation between nations in our lifetime.

In the run-up to 2005 during the final months of the year just past, Reid and his opponent have cagily been assessing one another for vulnerabilities in their expected legislative protocols when Congress begins considering Bush's initiatives in the Spring. The President knows Democrats will enter the new session with the smallest Party caucus since 1931 and recently resubmitted stalled federal judicial nominations in what observers believe was a deliberate act of defiance to provoke Reid into revealing Democratic strategy for rendering unsuitable the intended candidates with weakened support. The newly elected Senate Minority leader plans to continue filibustering Bush's nominees for their extremist views and has suggested the President should seek advice from informed leaders of the Democratic Party and the Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee to avoid future dissension.

Expecting this kind of response, Bush has positioned himself to stamp Democrats as obstructionists. Although the dispute is typical for Capitol Hill, the potential resolution, changing Senate rules to subvert filibusters, appears sinisterly crafted by Bush's inner advisory clique to achieve the rest of his agenda. The modification is a galvanizing propsal that could have a detrimental effect on both democracy and the well-being of U.S.citizens if adopted as precedent.
With this method, Senate Republicans could defeat Democratic efforts to stymie initiatives reforming Social Security or unacceptable Supreme Court nominations.

Now that the battle lines have been drawn for the two political parties, Bush is betting he has enough public support from his recent election to avoid resorting to rule changes to achieve his objective of dismantling New Deal programs the people want. Such a strategy would be risky with voter perception despite his proclamations of having earned political capital. Even though opinion polls currently convey tepid approval for his policies, Bush plans to rally his base through a PR campaign emphasizing the need for judicial appointments who'll protect family values. Will citizens see through Bush's disingenuous oveture though and recognize his real objective is installing submissive judges within the system to the highest court of justice meant to safeguard corporate malfeasance?

As the new Senate opposition leader, Reid has inherited a situation which places Democrats at an immediate disadvantage. Only 44 Senate Democrats return this year which makes the prospect of rule changes even more daunting. However, Reid believes his years of legislative experience in both the U.S. House of Representatives and Senate will be invaluable as he maneuvers to counter the inexpedient Republican agenda. Like the Bush team, Reid recognizes the value of an efficient communications operation and plans to make revamped methods of interchanging ideas and information an integral part of informing the public on crucial upcoming issues. With the new system in place, Reid hopes to compensate for the loss of Senate Democrats by providing more concise explanations to the general public about actions employed rather than let the Bush spin machine define them as stonewallers intent on destroying American society. Whatever the dispute ... Social Security, taxes, judicial nominations, filibusters, etc. ... Reid says "Democrats are going to be known throughout the country."

Another technique Reid plans to employ to toughen his Party's image is use their Senate policy committee to oversee many of the progams established by Bush in his previous term. By investigating some of the scandalous abuses the Administration has managed to minimize or keep from American's attention entirely, it's anticipated Democrats will be perceived as defenders of democracy and broaden the meaning of moral values beyond the Republican definition. New York state Attorney General Eliot Spitzer (D), has spent much of the past four years prosecuting Wall Street crimes and corruption and such probes beg for the attention of a Senate Democrat Oversight Committee being proposed by Reid. He would be wise to follow Spitzer's lead and investigate allegations of wrongdoing by financial companies at a time when Bush is determined to privatize Social Security with individual accounts provided by the same industry in question.

In the coming months, Reid will have many challenges to cope with such as planning the future of the Party, who to support for Chairman of the Democratic National Council and a scheme for the 2006 mid-term elections. His biggest obstacle may come from critics within his own Party, some of whom fear he's a centrist and will compromise on Social Security and a woman's right to choose.

They suspect he's actually pro-life based on a 1999 vote to ban partial birth abortions and against a non-binding Senate resolution supporting the Supreme Court's establishment of "Choice." Too, they're alarmed by Reid's declaration of support for Anthony Scalia as a prospective Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

Aside from contending with internal dissension, right wing magazines such as the Weekly Standard are publishing stories doubting his alleged anti-abortion sentiments. Despite the badgering from the political left and right, Reid has outlined a plan for success which he believes will restore credibility to the Democratic Party and take exception to the Republican majority. I'm willing to give the man a chance and so should you along with the corporate media. Too much is at stake for our nation to do otherwise.


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